I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
