Define "chronic" masturbator.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
