my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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