I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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