Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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