Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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