i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
