he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize