You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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