I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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