It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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