i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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