I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
