; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
