Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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