I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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