I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
