you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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