i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
