yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
