So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
