Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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