At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
