Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
