I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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