Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
