Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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