I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
