Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
