Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
