well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Randomize
