He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
