I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
