Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
this is an emotional support booty call
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize