She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
