I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
