1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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