Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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