I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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