Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
