wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
