I looked at my own cervix.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
