The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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