Hey man sorry I got all grabby
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
