got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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