I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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