Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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