We need to rekindle our bromance
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
