Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
