PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize