Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hippo gnu deer
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
