i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
