its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
