Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
