Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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