No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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