Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize