Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
