Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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