My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
